Fat

Act One, Scene One

SCENE
An upscale cafe. Hardwood tables are scattered about. Each table has a small vase filled with seasonal flowers. Tables are half full.

It is around 4 pm in the afternoon.

As the curtain rises, two women, CASSANDRA and JENNIFER, are seated at a table slightly to the left of centre. Both are well coiffed and dressed in designer jeans, tops, and heels. JENNIFER is thin, but not waif-ish, while CASSANDRA is a middling weight, voluptuous but not fat. Each is on her second coffee.

JENNIFER
Sipping coffee.
Well, Cass, I have to tell you, a mini-spa-break does sound pretty good. But if you want to do something truly wonderful for body and soul, you should try out this place.
Rummages in bag, pulls out slim pink business card then pushes it across the table.

CASSANDRA
Picks up card, looks at it.
The Institute for Whole Body Wellness? I don’t know, Jen dear. It sounds a bit foo-foo hippie to me.
Puts card down, then, picking up a spoon, toys with coffee.

JENNIFER
Cajoling, but a little mocking also.
Nothing like it, Cass hon. I went in April, for just a couple of days, and look at me.
Stands up, does a little twirl. Stopping, she skims her hands over thighs.
Nothing like a little trip to the (making air quotes) spa to trim the thighs and boost your confidence.

CASSANDRA
Flatly.
It’s a fat camp. You think I need to go to fat camp.
Stands up.
I am not fat. True, I carry a little extra padding around my hips and thighs, but (lifting shirt a little and eyeing JENNIFER critically) I have a slim, toned belly.
Sits down.
Besides, my cholesterol is three, and I have low blood pressure. Hence: I am not fat.

JENNIFER
Disbelievingly.
Really, hon? Cholesterol? Low cholesterol and blood pressure are all you care about?

CASSANDRA
Sipping coffee.
All right, so I’m not at my best right now.

JENNIFER tries to hide a smirk, but doesn’t quite succeed.

CASSANDRA
But if you’re an eight, I’m still a nine.

JENNIFER
Looks at Cassandra appraisingly.Then, teasingly.
Of course you are.
Reaches over the table and taps the card.
Really, hon, try it. You’ll never regret it….

A group therapy room at The Institute for Whole Body Wellness.

The room is a warm white. At the rear is a table, covered in full calorie soft drink and junk food, including pizza, doughnuts, gourmet potato chips, and several kinds of chocolate.

At front, a group of six chairs, also arranged in an oval. Two women, DENISE and CLARA, and a man, EDWARD, sit together. All are wearing generic sweats. At the tip of the oval is a third woman, DR. JANE. She wears a pristine white lab coat and name tag. Everyone except DR. JANE is eating pizza. Everyone except Dr. Jane is obese.

CASSANDRA enters from the right, accompanied by a man wearing white scrubs and carrying a clipboard. CASSANDRA is dressed in workout gear, and has a look of depressed resignation. They are awkward as they enter; the man points her over to the left group, then leaves. Feet dragging, she goes over.

DR. JANE
Rising, goes to meet CASSANDRA.
Bubbly.
Cassandra, right? I’m Dr. Jane, and I’ll be leading our therapy session. (Smiling) Why don’t you find a seat?

CASSANDRA
Takes the remaining seat, looks at the others eating.
Did I misunderstand something? I thought the Institute was a fat camp.
Coughs, then runs hands over thighs.
Not that I need a fat camp, of course, but my friend Jennifer raves about this place and I thought, what’s the harm in (coughs again) getting a little more healthy?

DR. JANE
Approvingly.
Oh, so you’re a friend of Jen’s? Marvellous girl. And you’re making a commendable effort, Cass. Can I call you Cass? But at the Institute, we’re more concerned with you losing weight in a comfortable way, so that you can feel good about yourself without starving.

Everyone smiles and nods.

DR. JANE
Now, would you like to fetch something to eat?

CASSANDRA
Confused.
In a little while, maybe.
Looking at Edward’s pizza.
So, are you sure it’s okay to eat something so greasy?

EDWARD
Eating and talking at the same time, happy.
Of course! They like it when we eat grease and stuff! Makes the treatments easier!
Finishes pizza; starts on another piece.
I’ve already lost twenty kilos this week!

CASSANDRA
Standing up, getting angry.
Twenty kilos? What sort of operation is this? Did Jennifer put you up to something?
Looks around, checks ceiling corners.
Where are the cameras? What’s the plan, make me eat myself silly and gain twenty kilos so she’ll look like a nine and I’ll be a, a tub?

DR. JANE
Placatingly.
Cass, I think you just need to sit down and relax for a minute. Have a piece of pizza. Or a doughnut. Or I’m sure I can get someone to fetch you a latte. Full fat, of course.

CASSANDRA
Seriously? No, wait, I don’t think you understand. I like food. I love food. I love carbs. But I can’t stay looking like this (points at self) and eat that, that junk! It’s against Atkins and South Beach and Al Sharpton says carbs are evil!

DR. JANE
As if speaking to a child.
But Cass, you don’t need all those things anymore. You’re at the Institute. We care, Cassandra. We care.

CLARA
Whispering to EDWARD.
She hasn’t figured it out yet.

EDWARD
Some people are so dense!

DENISE
Kindly.
You don’t understand, dear, do you? That’s okay. I didn’t understand either, not at first. But doughnuts, they’re our friend. Fat is our friend.

CASSANDRA sits down, then, silent waits for an explanation.

DR. JANE
So Jen didn’t tell you? Wanted it to be a surprise, I suppose.
Leaning forward.
Know anything about blubber?

CASSANDRA
Blubber? As in seal?

DR. JANE
Exactly!  Fantastic insulator, you know. Eskimoes, Inuits, whatever, they’ve used it for years. Line coats with it and what not. Well, turns out all fat is good for insulation, not just seal fat. So we (waves a hand at the group) are very well, shall we say, qualified, to provide a certain service.
Leaning even farther forward.
So, have you made it out yes, Cassandra?

CASSANDRA
No, wait—that doesn’t make sense. Lipo would cost so much more.
Coughs, looks self-conscious.
At least, that’s what I’ve read, anyway.

EDWARD goes to fetch more pizza.

DENISE
Oh, Cassandra, you still don’t get it? We pay for our meals. The Institute pays for everything else.

DR. JANE
Palms up, as if saying something obvious.
You see, Cassandra, your fat is our bounty. You eat, we suck, and the fashion industry buys the adipose to use as filler and insulation for gloves, coats, even shoes. All the winter clothes, too.  After all, there’s nothing warmer than a nice thick layer of blubber now, is there?

CASSANDRA
Mouth works for a moment. Then, shocked,
That is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. It’s vile. You’re vile.

EDWARD
Comes back with more pizza, sits down.
Are we? Or are we wonderful?

CLARA
You don’t have to pick on us just because you’ve got issues, Cassandra. This programme changes lives! Denise is a supermodel in Paris half the year—after the treatments, she has that wonderful waif look most women would kill for! And this has totally changed my relationship with food, totally rid me of my bulimia.
Points at the table of food.
So why don’t you get a piece of butter pizza, and relax?

DENISE
Shuffles chair closer.
We all feel dubious at first.

CASSANDRA
Calmer.
Doesn’t the blubber rot?

DR. JANE
Well, yes, it does. But we’re talking high-end fashion—if people aren’t throwing these items out after a week, they shouldn’t be buying them in the first place.

EDWARD
Still eating and talking.
And it’s very humane. The fashion industry was talking about using whale blubber, but then the people at the Institute here stepped in and said why hurt poor innocent whales when we’ve got these fat gits here?

CASSANDRA
I suppose that is a very kind way of looking at it. Saving the whales.
To self.
And Jennifer did say they were very good…

DR. JANE
That’s the spirit, Cassandra dear. Now, why don’t we go fetch something to eat?